You love them. You’re not as happy as you used to be. But, you can’t imagine your life without them.
We’re taught from a young age to always find the best in someone. It’s a lovely outlook to have, up until they’re not the best person for you anymore. We can get so caught up in our own little world that we don’t notice the faults anymore, or if we do, we just brush them off. We can become trapped in our own minds.
Maybe they’re right? Maybe I am getting a little fat. Maybe they’re right? Maybe this dress is a little short. Maybe they’re right? Maybe I am a little bit stupid. They’re wrong.
Netflix recently released the TV series You which follows the life of a young writer, Guinevere Beck (quite literally, follows her…) and Joe Goldberg. Joe is creepy, obsessive and a psychopath – yet from Beck’s perspective, he’s extremely likeable.
This really got me thinking – why and how could we look past all of those awful characteristics and fall in love with someone regardless of their faults?
According to the Office of National Statistics, over 12% of adults in England and Wales (both male and female) were subject to some form of domestic abuse in 2017. A frightening statistic that really brings home the seriousness of the themes raised in You.
It’s really important to remember that domestic abuse is not just a woman being physically abused by her partner. Domestic abuse can be nasty comments; controlling behaviour; threats; emotional, sexual and physical abuse. It takes many forms and can affect many different people, no matter what gender.
Knowing when to leave
SPOILER WARNING (I’ll be talking about the ending to the show in this section)
But if I am going to give you any advice after watching You on Netflix, it’s to listen to your gut. You know better than anyone if you’re unhappy in a relationship, or if something feels a little bit off. When it gets to the point where the good days are no longer worth the emotional torment you feel every other day, it really is time to leave.
It will be scary. It will be daunting. It may even be outright terrifying. But please, listen to that voice inside your head that is telling you something is not right and talk to someone, whether it be a friend, a family member or a professional.
Seek help. Talk it out. Make a rational decision (remembering to put your well-being before anybody else’s.)
The Student Wellbeing Centre holds drop ins every weekday from 12pm-2pm and has loads of helpful info on their website. They will happily talk to you about anything in confidence, so maybe make them your first port of call, if you don’t want to talk to a friend? They will be able to direct you on where to go from there.
Maybe talk to your partner (if you feel comfortable doing so) – they might not even realise what they’re doing.
Just remember, look after yourself and speak up when something doesn’t seem right. Only YOU can protect yourself from harm. Only YOU can take that first step to a happier life.
If you have been affected by any of the content in this piece and wish to speak to someone, various support is available in different forms from EDAN Lincolnshire, the National Stalking Helpline and Mind. Alternatively, if you would prefer to speak to someone in person the Wellbeing Centre are available during their drop-in hours, weekdays 12pm-2pm and Thursdays 5pm-7pm.